Ok. So. I decided to fast from the Internet for a week to focus my prayers on Taryn’s lungs and weight gain. I was to start this a few days ago on thursday. And to be honest I haven’t prayed once. I had every intention of doing it but I just couldn’t stay focused enough to pray. And, i was mad and frustrated with God. My little girl is fighting so hard to stay alive and I was just so mad that he couldn’t give her a break.

Thursday they put her back on the vent in hopes of it helping the co2 issue. It hasn’t.

We haven’t been to church since the week Taryn was born. For a couple of weeks I was just too sore, then it seemed like we had plans every Saturday after that. And really it’s all just a poor excuse. So we FINALLY made it to church tonight. Do you ever feel like the pastor snuck into your life and wrote a sermon just for you? The sermon was on prayer. Huh, how fitting. Thank you Lord, you have quite the sense of humor.

After the sermon we took communion and they brought up all the elders and if you wanted someone to pray for you, you could have them pray privately with you. So we waited for our pastor who married us and we prayed. I was a wreck. The weight of everything has just been too much for me lately and it’s no wonder because I haven’t given it up to God, I’ve been trying to carry it all on my own. You’d think I’d figure it out by now. But no. I like to test the waters every now and then to see if I can get by on my own. (Read that last sentence in the most sarcastic tone).

After church we went to dinner with my parents. My phone rings and it’s the NICU. So not a number you ever want to see pop up on caller ID. Long story short, they extubated Taryn and put her on the nasal therm. This is like the little plastic tube with prongs that fit into your nostrils. It delivers a flow of oxygen. Well, she seems to like it. The also moved her feeding tube to go down her nose and throat and into her belly instead of going into her mouth down her throat and into her belly. Her mouth is finally her own, for the first time she doesn’t have something in there.

Did all this happen tonight because of prayer. Yes. Can it change tomorrow? Yes. Does that mean God changed his mind? No. Trust me when I get to heaven I’m gonna ask why all this was necessary. But, I know prayer works and I know God hears our prayers. So, really the only thing, the best thing I can do for Taryn is pray. And now that I’ve broken down my nice little wall I built to separate myself from God I can actually do that. It’s so nice to know he is in the business of forgiveness because man I’d be in trouble if he wasn’t.

Back to the fasting…I haven’t “cheated” by going on-line, and I also wasn’t praying! So I’m moving forward with the fast and taking it seriously. I know I’m on my blog. But right now I need the writing. I need the outlet. There are things I can’t talk about but I can write about them and they need to be written down and off my chest so I can better deal. So, I’m going to let myself blog. And by the way my blog automatically posts to Facebook, so NO I’m still not on facebook right now. I’ve been out of the loop for 3 days and it’s kill’n me. šŸ™‚

Here are some pictures of her from tonight. You can finally see her cute little face! And, how much she has grown! She is 2 lbs 8 oz now!!!!!

And thank you Lord for your never failing grace and commitment to taking care of us.


10 Replies to “Prayer”

  1. I write this with tears streaming down my face…Last night was so powerful and our God is so amazing and everyday I thank Him for His grace. I love you my daughter you are amazing and Taryn is so lucky to have you as a mommy!


  2. Janelle, her face is so cute! Penny says she is “little tiny and tyoot (cute) “.. Love the double chin and her precious lips! I hope those lips praise God as much as yours!


  3. She has joined the Fatty-Fat-Fat-Fat club!!! Hallelujah!!! Janelle, she is just beautiful. Loving everything about this post – the pictures, the emotion, and most importantly: The message. Let go, and Let God.


  4. wow!! look at those chubby cheeks!!! yay!! she is finally filling out more!! so glad to ready this last update!!!!!
    xoxoxoxox to you all!!!


  5. Oh my goodness isn’t she adorable! I echo your mom’s post. She is indeed our little miracle gal. cant wait to hold her. Of course I am praying with you sweet girl. With tears of joy and thanksgiving for God’s grace and forgiveness and faithfulness to His word and His promises.
    Love you and Ben and Taryn too!


  6. ‘to the proud parents, I am proud too, as she is my most recent relative. I haven’t had a little girl to think about for a very long time. My Catherine just turned 48, she was fed through the nose also. It worked along with many prayers to God above.


  7. Janelle, I appreciated you sharing your heart with us. This is so difficult for the mommy’s & daddy’s! We can pray for you now. I love you. Your daughter is beautiful!! Ang told me what was going on with you. X x oo


  8. Judy called me too last night because she knew I would want to know! This was a big lesson for me too because I was feeling rather hopeless too and needed God to “kick me in the _______”(you fill in the blank)! Today at church I wrote Taryn’s name in our book of prayer requests for healing of her lungs. Keep Lois (lactation Nurse) in your prayers too. Her husband died unexpectedly on Thursday and Kalena and I went to his funeral today.


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