Not Freaking out so much now

Other than being completely exhausted, I feel like I’m in a better emotional place. I had a yelling match with God this morning, and I’m pretty sure he won, but at least he knew how serious I am about needing to see him move in our life.

I haven’t given up on my child. But since she has been born, I’ve taken her back from God. I gave her to him when I was on bed rest but like I said I took her back when she was born. Praying and telling God she is his and he can have her back is a very hard thing to do. Ben and I know He has a purpose but we forget so easily.

I’m going to church tomorrow. I feel like the Lord is prompting me to go and ask for help. We know the ONLY way to get through this is prayer. And I know that you all are praying, but there is something powerful about gathering together in a group to pray. So I am requesting some sort of prayer vigil type thing.

Matthew 18:20
For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”

She has stabilized today to a more acceptable place, but still very critical. We talked to the head neonatologist and helped us to understand that the reason for this HUGE set back is because of the pulmonary hypertension. It is something that has slowly increased over time and of course hit her hard. So we understand now that all these meds are treating this problem which hasn’t been much of a problem till now.

Thank you for responding to my last post. It really helps to have physical proof of all the love and support.



7 Replies to “Not Freaking out so much now”

  1. okay, good, I’m glad you yelled at God! He can take it! You are just passionate because your baby is the most important thing in the world! This has been the most difficult thing anyone can possible go through! Thank you for your honesty, we your friends can take it too because we love you!


  2. Janelle God continues to confirm that He is hearing us. I spoke to one of the team members going to Africa with Reuben on Thursday. I told her about Taryn and she said that one of the Pastor’s at her church in Santa Monica has a daughter Lauren/Laura who is a nurse in the NICU at UCLA. She was going to contact her today and tell her about you and Taryn. How does that happen? God… I told her that you needed encouragement, that you needed someone there at UCLA who could pray for you and pray for Taryn in person. I am not sure of her last name but she is a believer.
    My scriptures for you today.
    Isaiah 40:28-31 (New International Version)

    28 Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
    The LORD is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
    He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.

    29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.

    30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;

    31 but those who hope in the LORD
    will renew their strength.
    They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

    and…Isa 43:1b-3a

    “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
    2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
    when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
    3For I am the LORD your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.


  3. Dear Ben and Janelle, Want you to know we have been standing with you from the beginning and will remain in prayer with you. Sorry I haven’t responded lately for our computer has been down for about a month. As I reviewed all the Journey of faith blogs I missed this month, this morning was a time of groaning and praying in the spirit for it is his heavenly language that we have held onto during such a difficult times. We Love you all so much Jeanie and Jack


  4. What a great idea on getting together to pray for Taryn…Let me know when and where. Until then, we continuously pray individually for Taryn to get better everyday. Our God is an amazing God and yes, He has beautiful and perfect plan for Taryn (and you and Ben:)


  5. Dan and Alyce want me to let you know that they have been in constant prayer regarding Taryn, Ben and you. she shares “I know what you are going through. I went through this 43 years ago with Tracy before I had a relationship with God. We are standing in the gap and understanding your sufferings. I know its a lonely place and very scary but you will come through the other side and have a deeper faith which is given from above. Please know that we are all one with you. We Love you and Please call us if there is anything that we can do to help you in any way. p.s. when I was close to death my immune system was very compromised. My body would not heal inside. God gave me the courage to ask for a nutritionist which led me to asking for pro-biotics. This is just a thought maybe it is something you can bring up with Taryn’s doctors. Love and blessing from Alyce and Dan Mills” phone:620-0414


  6. Just had a chance to respond to your last two posts. So glad that you can reach out and ask for support, Janelle. Your daughter has an awesome mom! You are a role model for a real human being who is present and available and genuine and honest about yourself. And of course, we pray for all of you, and Taryn. We cry when you cry and cry out to God on all of your behalf. Love to you, all. The Spiro’s. P.S. Glad to hear that you got some good feedback so that the treatment makes sense; as a good mom, you are right to inquire and find out what is happening. You are the stimulus barrier to her world; you intuitively know when you sense a lack of control and it is understandable that you want to have a “bead” on what is going on. Keep persevering. Lynne


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