I left on Monday to fly up to visit Kristina, Mark, & Emma. We were gonna just hang out and have fun. Kristina and Mark ended up getting swamped with work AND I got to hang with Emma mostly since I’ve been here. I hate that they live so far away and that I can’t be as involved in Emma’s life as I want to. So even though Kristina keeps apologizing for me being “stuck with Emma”, I love it! I love that I know her now. I love that I know what her squeals and sounds mean when she’s hungry, tired, bored, or mad.
Emma can’t take the place of Taryn in my heart, but she has helped me piece it back together. Kristina is like my sister, and I love her daughter as if she was my own. It has really been a healing experience for me. I’ve so badly just needed to hold and love a baby, and thankfully Emma likes to be held and loved.
When your baby passes away it is hard to just stop all those emotions, and desires. They are still there full force. But I feel like this time with Emma has allowed me to work through a lot of emotions and desires while I physically get to hold and care for a baby. Some of the things I haven’t wanted to think about because they have been too scary to do them alone, but I have been able to think about them this week because I’m with Emma.
God knew Mark and Kris were going to need help this week, and he knew I needed to work through some things that I was ignoring. So, here we are. Everyone’s needs being met. 🙂
So, I’m standing in the kitchen holding Emma tonight while Kris was making dinner. We were talking about the whole Taryn thing. And we both had/have the same question and frustration.
Why is it when you are sitting in church listening to a message about the healing power of prayer do you always hear about the story where someone has an unknown disease, has less than an hour to live, and everyone gathers around the bed to pray and instantly they are healed and the doctors are completely baffled by what happened? Its always if you just pray hard enough and just “like this” God will finally hear you and give you what you are asking for. Why do we not EVER hear about the family that was faithful to the Lord in prayer yet they still lost their daughter? AND! It’s ok, they are OK, cuz God is still there holding them walking them through their journey?
I think it’s far less of an occurrence to have a “typical miracle” than it is for people to go through hardships in life and push through them and come out OK. So, why aren’t we hearing about those stories in church instead? Personally those stories are the ones I can relate to. Those stories are the ones that get me fired up and motivated. Because we ALL struggle in life, and most of the time after the struggle is over we are not left with the big Hollywood happy ending. We are left with a real life mess that we have to sort through and process.
We all want to be able to relate to someone. We all want our feelings and emotions validated. So when we as a family prayed for a MIRACULOUS healing for Taryn, we were hanging on to those stories we’ve read in the bible and those stories we’ve heard our Pastors preach. We of course, were looking for the miracle of healing on this EARTH.
But, God took her home to be with Him where she is whole and healthy. So, I guess our miracles, are going to come now because he has chosen to heal her in Heaven.