2010

Whew! Out with the old in with the new.

Man! I’m so glad this year is over!

I can’t wait for the new year to begin.

This was the worst year ever…I hope next year is better.

Why do we hear these statements at the end of the year EVERY year? Why are the collective “we” so negative all the time? I mean yes there are things each of us goes through that we really could have done without. There are things we’d like to forget. But if your year wasn’t all that great, isn’t the responsible thing to do…to look back through your year and own it? Life is what we make of it. Maybe our horrible memories of 2010 are things “you” are responsible for. They are horrible because “you” made bad choices. Yes there of course are things that happen to you that you have no control over, like, take for instance oh I don’t know…maybe something like the death of a family member. Yes that is horrible and sad and no it’s not “your” fault. But what about things like…being unhappy at your job, or keeping a grudge, or continuing a fight with someone, or treating your spouse like crap all the time?

Tonight Ben and I were on our way to our yearly traditional meal to remember our first date. We were talking about 2011 and what we hope for and remembering 2010. Let me say this. 2010 was NOT the worst year of our life. It was so hard, and filled with so much emotion. But to say that it was the worst year ever would mean that you have throw in all the good stuff under that title too. And you know what? Taryn was the best part of 2010. It was hard work but she was the best part of 2010. 2010 was a good year for Ben and I. And if there was anyone who could have a pass and use the “This was the worst year ever” comment it would be us.

I refuse to give in to the negativity. My therapist said one of the things they know about grieving and loss and going through trauma is it is helpful for the person to notice small things and enjoy them. Like simply feeling the warmth from the sun. And it it’s true. Noticing the little things is very healing. But it also helps you to look back, and remember little bits of light in an dark time. And then little by little those bits of light start to brighten your dark time and the dark time doesn’t seem so dark anymore.

I do not believe in New Years Resolutions. Probably because making written goals for myself just doesn’t motivate me at all. I have such high expectations of myself and life in general that I don’t need a written list to help me accomplish things, I just do what needs to be done. And honestly if you are a resolution maker…how many times have the same resolutions been on your list year after year because you haven’t resolved it? But hey if the lists work for you keep doin it, no judgements here.

2011 is already filled up with the hopes of another baby. January’s calendar is full of shots, wandings, hormone fluctuations, weird moods, Dr visits, some bed rest and then topping it all off with maybe a baby. And if it’s not our month then February will look the same.

So, we’ll see what God has planned and how he will use what we went through in 2010 to bring us through 2011. Because God thankfully is THE master planner and He has another good year in-store for us I’m sure!

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4 Replies to “2010”

  1. I agree- the Worst Thing Ever happened to you in 2010 but a sweet little bird like Taryn was the Best Thing Ever. I loved her little hands. And the Taryn at the Spa picture was my favorite. There was nothing “Worst” about that small girl. Except, of course, that she isn’t here. Peace in 2011.

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