I need a download and file away button. It is exhausting constantly having all these emotions. In one moment I’m so sad, and then the next is filled with contentment.
Life causes emotions and we need to experience them and move through those emotions, but honestly 14 months of intense emotion is overwhelming. I wish there was a way to speed this process up to over-and-done with. I know it is not healthy to ignore the emotions and put them in a place of non-existence, but oh how I so badly want to. To ignore all the hurt and frustration.
I want to be have emotions about the normal daily grind of life. These wounds are wounds that never fully heal. They are always there, sometimes allowing you to forget and then the pain comes at you like a flood. I would never want to give up my time with Taryn, but I so wish it was different.
We are supposed to praise our Lord in the storms and remain faithful when having faith is impossible. I never let myself go to a place of doubting God’s intentions because I don’t want to give Satan that power. But, it is a constant struggle to walk that line of faith and move through the human emotions that I need to, to remain mentally healthy.