March for Babies / Taryn’s Gift / The Start of Anniversaries

March for Babies – Saturday, May 21st

Oh where to start.  When I signed up to walk in the March for Babies walk I knew God was going to use that as a tool to further sculpt and define my life.  I didn’t know how, but, because I know God…I knew He would take the opportunity to teach me.  I was ready to listen.

I signed up with only 21 days left before the walk.  I walked on a team consisting of NICU doctors, nurses, therapists, and a couple of parents from the Ventura County area.  I walked with that team instead of forming my own “Family” team because, these were the people who walked by my side once Taryn was born.  I needed to still be part of their team to walk together as a group, where we were all there for the same reason.  To support women, children, and families to have healthier pregnancies and babies; and honor those who have lost a baby due to prematurity. 

As I was getting ready that morning I was listening to Pandora Radio, Contemporary Christian station.  Three songs played, one after another reminding me of my Journey in Faith this past year.

Praise You in This Storm
By: Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God, that
You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it’s still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus:
And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can’t find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
Chorus

 

Lord You Never Let GO
By:  Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth(Chorus)Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You 

I Am
By:  Mark  Schultz

I AM the maker of the heavens.
I AM the bright and morning star.
I AM the breath of all creation,
Who always was and is to come.
I AM the One Who walked on water,
I AM the One Who calmed the seas,
I AM the miracles and wonder,
So come and see,
Oh follow me,
And you will know that…
Chorus:
I AM the Fount of living water,
The risen Son of Man,
The Healer of the broken.
And when you cry
I AM your Savior and Redeemer,
Who bore the sin of man,
The Author and Perfector,
Beginning and the end.
Yes I AM!
2nd verse:
I AM the Spirit deep inside you.
I AM the Word upon your heart.
I AM the One Who even knew you
Before your birth, before you were…
Chorus:
I AM the Fount of living water,
The risen Son of Man,
The Healer of the broken.
And when you cry
I AM your Savior and Redeemer,
Who bore the sin of man,
The Author and Perfector,
Beginning and the end.
I AM, yes I AM!
Throughout the earth,
I AM the universe.
I AM in every heart.
I AM where you are.
I AM the Lord of lords,
The King of kings,
The Holy Lamb,
Above all things.
Yes I AM…
Chorus:
The Mighty God, your Father,
The risen Son of Man,
The Healer of the broken.
And when you cry
I AM your Savior and Redeemer,
Who bore the sin of man,
The Author and Perfector,
Beginning and the end.
Yes I AM.
Yes I AM.
Yes I AM.
Oh I AM!

I look back now at those songs and I get a glimpse of God’s personality.  Each of these songs represents perfectly a period of time during this past year.

Praise You in This Storm reminds me of all the hell we were going through and that I needed to mindful and remember to praise the Lord during the hard times.  This song was for the time I was admitted into the hospital till Taryn passed away.

Lord You Never Let Go reminds me that He is griping me so tightly, and He will never leave me alone while I am grieving.  This song was from the moment Taryn passed, to present.

I Am reminds me how big God is and that His plans for my life are even BIGGER!  HE IS IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE!  And as long as I keep Him in control and don’t try to gain control back, the blessings in my life will be many.

So, again I kind-a laugh at God’s personality and how He uses things in our life so we can hear Him best.  Like music, I love it and thrive on it.  He knows this, and used it to speak to me through it.  Looking back on the 3 songs He chose was like reading a long love letter from Him filled with encouragement.  Acknowledging all that I have been through, but reminding me he is bigger than it all, and I just need to hang in there and stay faithful.  Blessings will be coming.

My mom, mother in-law, and Auntie Karen all walked with me.  Because of your donations I personally raised $1,520.  The team as a whole raised $6,530!!  During the walk I walked w/ Jen and Abby our friends from the NICU. 

For the first time ever I walked with some of Taryn’s team side by side as equals.  Not as a parent/patient –  Dr./Nurse type relationship.  We were ALL there for the same reason.  And it clicked.  And I understood why they have the dedication to do what they do.  Why they have devoted their lives to help the tiniest of lives.  It cemented a feeling or thoughts or…. what is going to come out of this whole thing w/ Taryn, thing that has been going on in my brain since the moment Taryn passed.

God and I have had multiple talks about this.  I even posted about it here to you once before.  This time God had one of those talks where He sits you down, puts His hand on yours, talks s-l-o-w-l-y so you can hear Him THIS time.  God was clear.  He is going to use me, and it is my purpose in life.  I am to work within this community.  This community that surrounds itself with preemies.

Taryn’s Gift

We will be a non-profit that will start out small and with very small goals, and prayerfully will grow beyond my comprehension.  Our mission is to make sure women who are going through similar situations that I went through while on bed rest, and then have to spend time in the NICU, know that there is someone who cares and is there to give a hug and say, “I understand”.

When Taryn passed I knew her life was for a reason.  I knew she left behind lots of things for us as her parents to share with people.  So, that is why I have named the non-profit Taryn’s Gift.  Because we want to physically bestow gifts to these people during this time, and Taryn was a gift from the Lord and her gifts need to be shared.

The Start of Anniversaries – May 24th

Today I watched our friend’s baby from the NICU, Miss Abby.  Ben and I went to Los Robles, said hello to the NICU and then when to oooo & aaaaah over little man Drake.  Ben’s best friend’s daughter and husband had their baby on the 23rd.  We left the hospital, went to dinner and were home by 8ish.

On May 24, 2010 last year, Ben and I picked out Taryn’s crib, went out to dinner, tried on bathing suits for our upcoming trip to the lake, and were home by 8ish.

By 8ish tonight the 1st anniversary had started.  This was the night I went into labor with Taryn, and the start of a 53 day stay in the hospital on bed rest.

I can’t believe it has been a year.  I can’t believe in a year’s time I have lost 2 babies.  I can’t believe at this time last year I was feeling my baby girl move around inside my womb.

Each day that I’ve walked through this Journey in Faith, I learn more about myself.  I learn more about the Lord.  I feel God’s arms full of love wrapped around me tighter and tighter.  I am getting there, one very small step each day.  I am getting to a better place.  A place where the hurt, anger, and pain aren’t so overwhelming.  I’m getting there…slowly, but with a growing faith in Him and His plans for my life.

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One Reply to “March for Babies / Taryn’s Gift / The Start of Anniversaries”

  1. Oh my….you make me so proud! With tears running down my cheeks, once again I am so in awe of you! Your faith in Christ has been there forever, but I see it continue to grow every day! These families you will be helping will be so blessed! God bless you my sweet and selfless daughter.

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