I found some pictures I wanted to share with you.

These are the most intimate pictures I have. They are the last pictures that were taken of Taryn before we said good bye to her. There were very few people there. Our moms and both of our closest friends.

This is the day that is the hardest day for me to stop playing over and over. How as parents, did we know we were at the end of her life and were confidently able to make the decision to let her go? How as her parents did we come to a point where we knew it was time to set her body down and walk out of that hospital?

I have NO clue. We prayed for God’s direction, and for him to make the decisions. And I believe that is what happened.

The general things that happened that day are starting to blur. But the way my heart felt as it was breaking is a memory I will never forget. The way my daughter looked without all the tubes and wires…The looks and soft cries of our family and friends…the look of utter defeat in my husbands eyes…giving our daughter a bath together for the first and last time…dressing her in cute pjs…..and wrapping her in a blanket to cuddle and kiss her without limits for the first and last time….these are the memories that keep me up at night.

Here is my baby. With no wires or tubes, just her beautiful face.

My last time holding Taryn


Our pretty girl


My last goodbye…I walked out of the hospital seconds after this kiss



2 Replies to “Sharing”

  1. Janelle, Thank you for sharing your special moments. Yes, Taryn is your special little girl and always will be. I try to put myself in your situation but I can never understand the loss you felt when you kissed her for the last time. Because of all your sharing there is a special place in our hearts that will always be alive in us of little Taryn. Such a little fighter with a look of you and Ben. We will always see that special little cleft in her chin. She is and will always be special in our hearts. We have saved a picture you gave us sometime ago in her brown and peach shirt with her big beautiful eyes that we keep on our desk top so we think of her everyday each time I turn the computer on. Only those who have lost a child can understand what you have gone through. You and Ben have so much to give to the brokenhearted. Look with expectation what the Lord is doing in you. Love you Jeanie and Jack


  2. What a little doll she is!

    And I’ve said this: I would be that mom still holding her child, asking When do I leave?

    You are strong.



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