Life. Life is a funny thing. Most of us plow through life without anything out of the ordinary happen to us.
In 1999, I literally was hit with a life changing moment. I had a car accident that resulted in a torn disk. At the time it seemed so minor…but after being misdiagnosed for a year and being pumped full of meds…well thats when the life changing started happening. That little injury ended up taking me out of work for 4-5 years, I went through 3 back surgeries, and it was during that time that I started to get my life back on track with Jesus.
Around High School, I had decided that putting God on hold for a little while so I could live my life seemed like a great idea. God, didn’t think so. So, when I got into my accident he took that moment and my weakness, to strip me of everything that was causing me to loose focus on Him. To say that I did nothing but lay around and rehab from my injuries…well it’s sad but oh so very true. After the 2nd surgery my life seemed to have a spark back to it again. I was going to church, and it was around Easter, when the Passion of the Christ movie came out. I watched that movie with tears streaming down my face. Never had I thought about Christ’s crucifixion being that horrible. I mean, He was Christ, surely there were divine painkillers He could have taken to absolve Him from feeling the pain of the beatings and crucifying that happened. But there weren’t. He felt it all. And He did that on purpose.
After watching that movie, I contacted my church because I knew I needed to be baptized. I grew up in the church, and I can’t really tell you when I became a Cristian. But, that point in my life is where I was able to say…I really choose to follow you Lord. Forever. And I am going to be baptized so everyone will know too. I was blessed to be able to have my Bestest there, to baptize me.
When I look back on that moment, I can clearly see how I started living my life differently. I had made a decision that until I was physically healthy (remember I had, had a couple of back surgeries) I was not going to date. There was no way I was going to get into a relationship with someone when I was still working out my own character flaws…and trying to get my body back to being healthy.
Right about the time my life seemed to have mellowed out, in walks this amazing man. A man, who understood me and believed in all the things I believed in. We truly had a ‘Love at First Site’ romance. We quickly became in engaged, then married, and then within a few months, it was time to start a family. In walks the fertility issues we would have to face, but Dr K felt very confident that he could help us have a family.
Well, we all know how that first pregnancy went. Preterm labor…delivered our daughter at 24.6 weeks gestation…and watched her fight for her life for another 101 days before she went to be with Jesus. Wow! Talk about questioning if your life really was in-line with the Lord. Then pregnancy #2 comes along…and ends in 12 short weeks from a miscarriage. Now your thinking, “Lord am I missing something? Have I done something wrong?”.
I am more firm in this belief than ever. We live in a fallen world. Just because we are Christians, doesn’t mean we get to pass on all the crap life throws our way. It means we better be preparing during the easy times. We better be filling our reserve tank so that it will be full when we need it. When I was trying to stay pregnant to keep Taryn growing, I was using my reserves, and putting all my faith in the Lord. Its during those times our testimony for the Lord shines the brightest for others to see. I have more people tell me on a daily basis that they don’t know how I was able to do it. Or how I’m able to keep living.
If I had tried to do it on my own, I would be in a really bad place. But, God walked me through it, and during the times where it was really bad….HE carried me through it. It blows my mind thinking of everyting I endured….and yet, today, I can say that I am okay! I am okay because of HIS grace. (Notice I choose the word ‘okay’. Because I’m not gonna lie and tell you life is all rosy, its not. I have holes in my heart that I pray will at the very least get smaller.)
It’s hard to keep stepping out in faith. Usually you are told when you step out in faith you will be rewarded in someway. This last year and a half hasn’t been filled with very many rewarding experiences. (read: live babies) But every now and then, someone tells you that your story touched them and has helped them. And….those are the rewards Ive asked for. I asked the Lord that I’d forever be reminded as long as I’m living, that Taryn’s life mattered, and that she touched others lives. I won’t know all that her tiny life was able to accomplish while she was here on earth, but I can hardly wait to get to heaven and hear someone say, “It was because of your daughter I am here.”
Mike, is stable but still really needs your prayers! Thank you for your support and please keep praying for his recovery. ❤