3 is the number of our children God has in heaven with him.
0 is the number of our children we have with us.
We attempted to have another baby on September 21. I went through all the meds and needles, and actually did get pregnant this time around. But, this time instead of miscarrying at 11 weeks it happened very early, I was only 7w3d, today.
This was it for us. This was our last chance to have a biological baby. I’m sure we could try to do another round of IVF, but that means more needles and crazy meds, and my body just can not handle any more of it. I’m running out of places to repeatedly stab myself. And, we can not handle the emotional toll anymore. We give! It is so hard not to feel like failures. There are people everyday who do get pregnant and can’t handle the responsibility of raising a child. And here we are, 2 people who would go above and beyond for our child, and yet our kids keep dying.
I feel like if God tested people to see if they were going to be good parents, we should have passed with Taryn. We gave everything for her. I wish the faithfulness we have had would have been rewarded with a child. But that is clearly not how God works I am seeing. Just because Taryn was taken from us I thought for sure he would come through and bless us either of these last two times. Apparently the blessing will come in some other form, but here, today, any other form but a child just doesn’t feel acceptable.
Please keep us in your prayers as we transition from having this dream no more.
I’m sorry I have been MIA lately. We didn’t really tell anyone about this cycle and since that has been the focus for the last Aug, Sept, Oct…I haven’t had much else on my mind, which would equate to awful writing topics.