Whispers, November, and Moving Forward

After we came home from the Fertility Dr on that Monday…we were shocked, stunned, in disbelief, heartbroken, and every other word with a similar meaning. We just laid in our room in each others arms and cried. We each took turns saying all the things on our hearts. Then, there came a point of silence…and with-in a few minutes I just broke down and sobbed, “I don’t want to live my life without a child. I did not get married with the intention of not having a child with you. That was part of our dream for our life together”. And afraid of what I just said and how it sounded to my husband, waiting to hear what his response was seemed like hours, but without skipping a beat he said, “Me too. We will have a child, I don’t want to live my life with you without a child either”.

On one of the Fertility forums that I would frequent, there are TONS of ads for adoption agencies. I always avoided them like the plague. I would refuse to even acknowledge they were there for fear they would grip me and I would change my mind about how we would bring a child into our lives. They seriously freaked…me…out! I figured that if I gave it a thought at all, God would use that opportunity to speak to my heart to tell me that adoption is in our future.

In December 2010, right as we were preparing for our 2nd cycle in January 2011, I did the unthinkable. I clicked on one of the ads and asked that, that agency send me more info. What. The. Heck…was I thinking!??? With-in a few days, a call came from the agency, and I quickly explained to them I was absolutely 100% not interested. And came up with some excuse, that I can’t remember, as to why I contacted them and why I wanted them to forget I existed. (In a nice tone of voice of course.)

In April 2011, after we miscarried, we were in Cancun. We were laying by the pool on our last day before it was time to head to the airport. There was this little girl who was so unbelievably cute, and totally being a kid, begging her parents for a blended non-alcoholic drink…because her friends were drinking them. They, said no…she could have one with lunch, and they were going to be going to lunch in an hour. That of course was not acceptable to her, so the back-and-forth continued for the next hour, and some time-outs happened before they left for lunch. During this time I am watching the parents and notice, 1) They are older 2) Their daughter is not of the same ethnic background as them 3) They believed in disciplining their daughter and were not afraid to do it! Halleluiah!!! (If you are going to threaten discipline by golly follow through!!) So, I sat there for that hour and argued with myself. I wanted to ask them if they adopted, but I didn’t want to open up the conversation because I was afraid of the consequences it would have…As in, God gently prodding my heart.

So, as they were leaving for lunch and a blended non-alcoholic drink for their daughter, I got the courage to ask the mom if I could ask her a personal question. She cheerily said yes, I silently said crap!…she’s nice and will talk to me. I asked if their daughter was adopted, and her answer was ‘yes’. She said her husband, who did all the research and work, would love to talk to me after their lunch. So, after their lunch we talked, and I spent the whole trip home fervently ignoring what God was whispering to me.

Actually, I spent the next 5 1/2 months fervently ignoring what God was whispering.

So, here we sit in the month of November. This month oddly enough touches us deeply this year. November is Prematurity Awareness Month. November 17th marks World Prematurity Day. November 19th is National Adoption Day. In the last few weeks since we received the news of the last miscarriage, we feel in our hearts Adoption is how we are going to bring a child into our lives and home.

So, this blog is going to take on new look and feel. Instead of me talking about hormone meds, needles, Drs, and pregnancy…I’m going to be diving into a whole new unfamiliar world of Adoption. A world, that at this point is completely foreign to both of us. We currently only have one person in our life that we know who has been adopted, and I have an acquaintance who has adopted a child. That is it. While, I have supper research skills…there is A LOT…A LOT, A LOT…of information to wade through and understand. So, if you have resources, our experiences, or whatever that you would like to share…please feel free to share. (My email is OurJourneyinFaith{at}hotmail{dot}com.)

I think the plan for now, is to enjoy the Holidays, and research when I feel like it. I’m going to try to not overwhelm myself and take this month and a half to re-group and shift gears. When January comes, then it will be time to get serious and start planning…because come January 2012 it will be 2 years since we started on this Journey, and we sure would like it to come to an end soon.

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20 Replies to “Whispers, November, and Moving Forward”

  1. you two are such a strong combination! I could only hope for as much strength! I know that no matter how it comes about, you will be among the BEST parents that any child could ever hope for!

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  2. You have a plan and that is half of the battle. I have some resources that I will forward to you.

    Love you and very much miss you

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  3. I love you guys so much and my heart is smiling that you have found the window that opened when the door closed. I am here to help you with whatever you need. I have a friend going through the adoption process RIGHT NOW, and I will pick her brain for resources for you. I am praying for you, as always, and am behind your newest endeavor 150%!!!

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  4. My dear friend!! I’m so very happy for you. I know this is a scary, new journey but one in which I’m confident the Lord will give you the desires of your heart. I have several friends that have gone through the adoption process and they are a WEALTH of information. One adopted internationally and the other two locally. With your permission, I’d love to send them this way to help you with whatever you may need. At least as an email for questions that you may have. So amazing to see the Lord’s hand even way back. God bless you and Ben, Janelle. Love you.

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  5. So glad that you and Ben have made the decision to bring a child into your life and your home via adoption! What a blessing for all it will be. Enjoy the holidays and your new journey; a new path and new adventures are coming…

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    1. Oh Lynne…I think I’ve aged 10 years, and I am never going to get out of therapy! :). Thankfully, my therapist specializes in grief and trauma, and as it just so happens…is an adoptee.

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  6. YEAHHHHHH…….so excited for you both. Adoption is such a blessing, not just for the child but for you as well. I am looking forward to following your journey. If you ever need to vent, give me a buzz, because we will be going through the process together and it isn’t always easy….YEAHHHHHH

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    1. I’m sure I’ll be complaining to you plenty along the way…or frantically calling you for advice about something. 🙂

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  7. Dear Janelle and Ben, That is such good news. Jack and I have known quite a few people that have been adopted and all of them have been very special and happy situations. Peter Demetris was adopted and they adopted two girls. One on my girlfriends in High School was adopted which I was her maid of honor. She always felt so blessed and Loved her parents and appreciated them greatly. We are so excited for you and know a little one would be blessed to have you as parents!!! You two are in our prayers. Love Jeanie and Jack

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  8. Once again I’m so in awe of you my daughter! You and Ben will be such amazing parents and have so much to offer! I’m excited for this journey in your life! God will have his hand on you and will guide through the process.

    Mom and Pop

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  9. I have been praying for you and Ben, that if adoption is His will for you, you would see it and embrace it fully! It is a beautiful and God honoring way to become parents.God bless you in this journey… monica

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  10. L.A. County Dept. of Child and Family Services is a good place to go for advice and direction. There are many, many kids currently trapped within the Foster Care system who are waiting and hoping for adoption by good parents like you and Ben. All the best to you both on this new path! Love, Colette

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