Well! We received our first “Monthly Adoption Update” from our Attorney today.
Each month sometime between the 1st – 10th we will get an update on how many profiles have gone out to the different birth mothers.
Right now what the process looks like for us is this…
There are 4 initial criteria that we select to narrow down the population of birth mothers.
1.) Gender – We get to have a preference of the gender we want.
2.) Ethnicity – We get to pick the ethnicity or combination of ethnicities the child will have.
3.) Drug Exposure – We get to select how much/what kind of drugs we are OK w/ the child being exposed to.
4.) Birth Mother (BM) expenses – We as adoptive parents pay for a portion and/or certain things for the BM. Things like maternity clothes, rent, food, transportation costs to Dr appointments or the adoption counselor. Typically if she does not have medical insurance the attorney will help her get state insurance so there are usually not any medical bills we would have to pay for. Each BM has her own unique situation and unique financial needs that fall into a low, middle, or high range for expenses. Each range has a dollar amount attached and whatever works for our budget is how we decide which range we fit into.
Once you figure out where you fall in the above criteria, if the birth mom lines up with those things she is given your (and anyone else contracted with the attorney) profile. She looks through all the profiles, and decides who her 1st, 2nd, 3rd choice is. Her first pick of adoptive parents are notified and will get her entire file including medical history and then they decide if they would like to move forward with the match. If they want to move forward, a meeting on the phone or in person is set up. If the meeting is a success and BOTH parties want to move forward it is considered a “match” and we all get to know each other while we wait for the baby to be born. One thing we LOVED about the way our attorney works, is that he does not let the BM select an adoptive family until she is is in her 3rd trimester. So our wait time once we move forward with the match will be 3 months to 1 week! We loved that the attorney likes to counsel the BM and give her enough time to clearly decide if adoption is right for HER. That way there is less pressure on her and less of a risk to us of her changing her mind…because remember… that baby is not officially ours till 24hrs after he/she is discharged from the hospital. Can you say a stressful 24hrs!!!
Our profile has been given to 9 birth mothers!! From what I have read of the experiences of other adoptive parents who are doing a domestic adoption, we seem to be average + in terms of how many moms the attorney is working with who match our criteria. Of course it’s nice to know if our criteria is too “picky”, but the bottom line is it doesn’t matter how many moms see us it’s all about the one who picks us! :). So, based on the list below there are 6 girls who have not picked a family yet…they could pick us.
1. 7/11 D. M.
2. 7/12 S. M.
3. 7/12 B. – Screened out of the program due to extensive drug use.
4. 7/18 S.
5. 7/19 J. A.
6. 7/25 M.
7. 7/26 J. H.
8. 7/27 A. G – has chosen but isn’t matched
9. 7/30 K – has chosen but isn’t matched
We will continue to get this monthly update until we are selected…torture or renewed hope…I pray each day we stay hopeful!
I’ve talked a lot about our profile and how long it took for us to create it, and how much of an important role it plays in the adoption. Click —>;; here if you would like to see what it looks like!
And please keep praying our baby home with us!!