Nothing negative has happened. Nothing has changed in our adoption plans. But, you know… today I’m tired of siting on the edge of my seat. Since May 24, 2010 I have been at the mercy of the universe in regards to how to get my child home. I use universe here because when I think like this I feel like its just bad “luck”. Not that my God has left me or that He choose these bad things to happen to me. I just feel like its bad “luck”. I know I’ve been refined and polished through these last 2 years and I’m a better person for it. But, I guess I’m just ready for a break.
For 2 years I feel I have been tethered to my phone for an “in-case there is an emergency” situation. It was always T’s health. Being able to get in-touch with the Husband anytime. Having the phone at the ready in-case I had an emergency while pregnant. Having the phone ready in-case something went wrong with one of our cycles. Having the phone ready in-case something was wrong w/ adoption paperwork. Having the phone ready so we wouldn’t miss the call telling us we had been chosen. And now, having the phone ready so we can make the birth of our Son.
All the “having the phone ready” is exhausting and draining. I know motherhood brings worry and nerves and I’ll always be looking at my phone if I am away from him. But that is normal worry. My worries have not been of the normal variety. I’m craving normal in the child department, and really just can’t wait for the moment we are all loaded in the car and driving away from the hospital on our way home.