It’s been 2 years. Who would have thought that on this side of two years we would have finished painting the room in boy colors, and ordering our Son’s furniture. Two years ago I wasn’t sure how my world was going to go on. I wasn’t sure how I could recover from such devastation. I wasn’t even sure I’d ever stop crying.
Thankfully I didn’t have to worry about the how’s. Yes, I worked hard while going to therapy, and yes I pressed forward with the determination of a bulldog. But, all the emotional ups and downs and heart healing God took care of. People always say “I don’t know how you did it”. And the truth is I didn’t really have to do much more than surrender. Of course I’m simplifying 2 years, but honestly the hard times I had were because I was trying to do the healing on my own instead of fully surrendering to God and letting Him help me.
I have learned much about surrender in these last 2 years. You get to a breaking point and say “I can’t do it on my own anymore here, you do it”…and He does! 🙂 And then things move happily along and you start to take control back and you think, “I can handle this”. And that’s when you are telling God – He can take a break you got it and know better. Then life falls apart again!!! Surprise. Surprise. And you find yourself afraid of giving Him control because that means that things could happen in a way that you don’t want…but the truth is His way is ALWAYS better!! Even if it is the opposite to what you are praying for and what your heart’s deepest desire is.
We wanted nothing more than a full life for our Girl here on earth with us. But, God didn’t answer our prayers in the way WE wanted. I have yet to understand exactly why, but I can say I am at peace. My girl is in heaven with my Heavenly Father – no better place to be, and we will one day be reunited with her. And that right there, is what has truly gotten me through these last 2 years. I will see me baby again one day and I will have eternity to spend with her.